Screwed
by Mandarins
Summary: UPDATED 1.5.2014 / One-Shot. / Pure Crack / "We're Going To The Carnival!" Pit yelled eagerly. Making Marth smirk triumphantly and Ike sigh in defeat. Peach super-high-fived Link while I stood at the sidelines, mouth agape. Multi x Zelda


**This is a small one-shot. **

**It's very different from what I usually write. I like writing Naruto things, but hey. These smash characters are awesome too. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own The following Character.. Blah Blah**

_Thoughts or Flashback_

* * *

UPDATE 2.8.11

**Okay and crap, I get it. I got messages, the gambling-shell-thingy-idea is from Avatar:The Last Airbeneder. But now I edited it and stuff. They come up with money a different way. Blah. Blah. Blah. _ENOJY :D_**

* * *

UPDATE 1/5/2014

reading this made me have an inner-aneurysm so. i had to edit. again.

* * *

Who knew Pit had a devil side?

* * *

_**Flashback**_

"God, being here is so boring!" Peach shouted as we slouched on the lounge chairs.

The smash fighters have been here at the Smash Bros. Base for at least a month, but I lost count. I used to think being here was so fun and all, but due to Tabuu, one of the main evil characters, not arriving, we cannot start the major fights in the Subspace Emissary yet. Curse that evil man for being late.

Even worse, he was not the only one to not show up on time. We were still missing Snake, Sonic, Meta Knight, and Wolf. Stupid boys.

"You can say that again." Marth pointed out as he played with the sheath of his sword.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked, and they looked at me with an impassive, angry look. "… Never mind."

We sat in silence for a matter of minutes, which was until a certain angel interrupted it. "Hey guys." We did not even lift our heads to acknowledge him."I heard there's a carnival in a nearby town."

That instead perked our attention. Marth sat up while Peach's head snapped up. "Want to go?" asked Pit.

"Of course!" Marth yelled as he raised his fist to pump it in the air.

"I heard the word carnival." Ike and Link walked into the lounge room, "I want in."

"What's a carnival?" I stared at Ike in disbelief.

"Why don't you come? It's really fun, trust me." I replied.

He hesitantly looked around the room until he landed on Marth. You could then tell they were having a conversation with their eyes.

_'Should I go?'_

_'Yes.'_

_'But what if it's actually a dungeon?'_

_'I'm going too.'_

_'So…?'_

_'Oh shut up and say yes. People are staring.'_

"I would be pleased to join you Zelda. I'll go." Ike sighed in defeat, while Marth was smirking triumphantly.

"Problem, how are we going to sneak out?" Link asked the group. Ike rolled his eyes, not believing he was hesitant about sneaking out. The group was known for being problem-starters...

"We will just leave stealthily during the night." Pit answered, and the six of us went our separate ways to go and get ready.

A blanket of darkness came with the night, allowing us the opportunity to sneak out. However, the Smash Mansion had gone through certain renovation since the last time we were here for melee, therefore proving this to be slightly hard. Trying to maneuver around the Mansion quickly and quietly with only a map on a McDonald's napkin was proving to be incredibly troublesome.

"We're here. Remember, we have to get home by midnight our we're screwed." I said, but stood unheard by the rest.

Luckily we got out, and here we are. The six of us stood in front of an array of twinkling lights.

**_End of Flashback_**

* * *

"What the hell do we do now?" Ike asked, "None of us have any spending money."

"I think I can help with that." Peach stated with a mischievous grin. She grabbed Marth by the neck and whispered something into his ear. Soon after, they ran off. Leaving the group to just stand around with confused faces. Just a couple of minutes later, they came back with a gold piece.

"How?" Link asked.

"Peach pretended to get run over by someone's carriage, and I stood at the side as a witness. The guy paid me money not to tell anyone." Marth answered as he played with the small gold coin.

"Well that's great and all, but that is hardly enough." Pit indicated.

"But we can earn more money." I inferred, and they all looked at me suspiciously. I pointed down to the gamblers under the bridge. The gamblers were playing one of the classic carnival game where you throw a ring and try to make it land on top the bottle.

"This is where you normal people are at a disadvantage. The scammer made the bottles stand like a pyramid so it will confuse your eyes, but I can use my powers to win!" I yelled, throwing my hand in the air joyfully.

"NO!" One man screamed in anguish as he had missed the bottle completely.

"Hey you over there," The scammer called out to me. "Want to play a friendly game?"

"This is so not going to work."

* * *

"How the hell did that work?" Pit asked/yelled.

"Magic." Link stated.

"So… What do we do now?" Peach asked rather impatiently.

The swordsmen, minus the confused Ike, all yelled different things at the same time. All I was able to pull out was: 'Rollercoaster!', and 'Food!" After that fiasco, they looked at me, thinking I could decide for them.

"Since we don't have a magic eight ball, there's only one non-bias way to solve this. Ahem, rock paper scissors anyone?" I stated.

"That's your plan?" Marth asked while lifting his eyebrow.

"Well do you have a better one?" Marth sighed in defeat, while I had a smile from ear to ear.

"Rock."

"Paper."

"Scissor."

"Shoot!" They all held out their hands, and soon turned to me in confusion. Marth had rock while Link had paper. Pit was smirking with his scissors.

"Scissor cuts paper. Rock beats scissors. So I undoubtedly win!" Marth triumphantly declared.

"Rock beats scissors. Paper bears rock! I WIN." Link screamed, maybe a little too loud and too quickly that I could not fully understand what he was saying.

"Paper beats rock, scissors beats paper." Pit stated very calmly, not actually caring if he had won the match or not.

They all simultaneously snapped their heads to me, forcing me to make another decision. Their crazy stares made me feel helpless. My answer was giving each one of them a 'playful' punch.

"You idiots. Why don't we just ride that for now?" I pointed to the ride in front of us. Or, would you call it a ride? Nonetheless, I heard people call it 'Bumper Cars.'

"Sure, why not." Pit said and was followed by the other's agreement. Soon, Ike and I went to the booth and exchanged some of our silver pieces for tokens.

* * *

The air between Ike and I was awkward. It was not until we were alone that I realized that us two have had the least amount of alone time together. Ike and I held casual conversation, but out of pure fact that I am a princess and he is a gentleman. He was not one I knew intimately, but maybe the beginnings of a friendship. No matter our relationship, it did not change how awkward the silence was now.

And suddenly, "Asdfghjkl. I am so drunk right no!" A girl next to us, around our age, screamed as she made out with the closest guy. I looked away towards Ike as we shared a cringed look.

"You cheating whore!" Ike looked at me with the most emotion-filled, confused look I had ever seen him with.

"Your broke up with me, you asshole!" The two argued back and forth, pushing each other angrily and knocking into people around them. The surrounding people included us. I hung onto Ike's shoulder, scared and confused about this weird situation. Thankfully, we were next in line.

Suddenly, the girl felt as though she was done arguing with her ex(_?)_ and faced me ,"All men are cheating whores! I hope you realize your boyfriend here is another asshole! Or at least he'll eventually expose himself to be one!"

"I'm sorry," I held my one arm up in defense while the other was around Ike's arm, "He's not my boy—" I was interrupted, once again.

"That's right! Break up with him right now!" She pointed at Ike angrily with her right pointer finger.

Luckily, Ike had already paid for the tickets, and wheeled me away from that fiasco.

"That was... weird." I stated and realized I was still clutching Ike's arm. My face flushed a bright red, and he had seemed to notice. _CRAP. _What did catch my attention, was that he had a pink tint on his face as well.

* * *

"I don't know about this anymore. I don't even know how to drive those things!" Peach shouted as we were waiting in line and watching the people who were currently on the bumper cars.

"Alright, notice how all of them are driving? You have to push down on that paddle on the bottom with your foot to make it go forward. That wheel is what you use to steer." Pit explained.

"How do you go backwards?" Ike asked.

".. You don't." Link stated as he laughed maniacally while waving his fingers together.

Pit and Marth gaped at Link with a confused face, while Ike had his mind still on a certain princess.

"Hey guys, pay attention! We are next in line!" Peach screamed eagerly.

"Alright, bring it on!" Ike yelled, getting into his 'zone.'

* * *

"Well that was fun." I stated, laughing rather nervously. I forgot to mention those 'Seat-Belts' that strapped you in for safety, to stop you from falling out...

Ike was in his 'Zone', and had gone incredibly fast. As he was about to bump me from behind, I raced forward and into Peach, knocking her into Pit accidently. As I rushed to safety by Link, I realized he was never a good driver. Unfortunately, Ike raced past a bemused Peach and a very woozy Pit, thrashing dust and dirt every which way. Then, he bounced into an amused Marth. Making both of them fly out of the cars and into a nearby ride: 'Ducks Ahoy!' Soaking both of them in water.

"You can say that again, right Marth?" Link mocked as he poked Ike, whose face was flushed once again. "What do we do now?" Link asked.

Marth rubbed his chin, mocking a 'Deep thought" look, "Food finally!" He exclaimed as he jumped up and down, pointing at a sign that said: funnel cake.

"Boys, go get food. Peach and I will find somewhere to sit. 'Kay?" I asked. It was followed by an 'Alright,' 'Well Excuse me princess,' and an 'Of course, Zel.'

Peach and I soon found a small picnic table not too far from the stand. The moment we sat down, she went into a 'danger mode.' Suddenly, she faced me with an evil and mysterious smile, and laughing maniacally while she waved her eyebrows suggestively. It was such an image, I cannot possibly re-create it with my own imagination.

"So Zelda, tell me a little secret. Who do you like?"

I stared at her, and played with my finger nervously. "What are you talking about?" I tried my hardest not to look in her vicinity.

"You know…."

"No. I really do not know."

"Really? 'Cause it seems that one of the boys has something for you."

"No. I bet not." _Did she see what happened at the ticket booth? I thought._

"Really? Since it seems Marth has been eyeing you!"

"The girl was drunk, she didn't know what she was saying!" _That was unexpected. _"I mean- what? He only sees me as a friend." I had a genuinely confused face.

"Wait, what? Alright, Zel. When we get home, you have a lot of explaining to do!" Soon, the swordsmen had come back and where coming with food. Of course, coming with sugary treats.

"What are you girls talking about?" Pit asked.

"Her absolute, undying love for me?" Link playfully asked. He received a playful slap.

"Absolutely nothing to be interested in." Peach replied as she eyed Marth. Who, in turn, looked at me rather puzzled.

"Now that's totally not suspicious.." Pit eyed both us girls.

"Tampons. And periods. That's what we were talking about." That shut them up.

* * *

"Hey! Look over there!" Pit yelled as he pointed in the direction of an Archery Contest. "Come on! Link, I challenge your ass to my ass."

Peach and I shared a look, "And you wonder why people think you are homosexual..." I said below my breath.

As we neared the small tent, there were actually dozens of men practicing. Obviously, their form was wrong, but I wasn't going to say that. What really irked me was that there were no women participating.

"Hey Link, is it weird that there are no women here?"

"What are you talking about? There are two girls right here!"

"Peach and I Don't count!"

"Huh, I guess the diversity is different here."

Pit had tuned into our conversation and joined in, "You are right Zelda, why don't you enter too?"

"Really Pit?" I asked curiously, "I mean, do you like competition?"

"No. All I care about is beating your precious Hero. Besides, if you've won one, you won them all."

"Well thanks for the advice Pit! You're a great friend." I shouted as I 'playfully' punched his shoulder. A man than came up to our group, and checked in Link, Pit, Marth – who I didn't know he even touched a bow— and I.

"We have time now, let's see what you got." Pit stated as he lead me to a target practice area.

"Look at how crappy their sets are here. This is might be one of those small crappy competitions." _Does Pit know this is so big that it's even on TV? _

"I always keep a finger release and arm on me, so you can use mine."

"Don't you need it?"

"Not really, I can deal with the makeshift equipment."

"So, let's see your form." I placed my body perpendicular to the target and the shooting line, with my feet placed shoulder-width apart.

I then pointed the bow toward the ground and placed the shaft of the arrow on the arrow rest. I then attached the back of the arrow to the bowstring with the nock, and held the bowstring and arrow with three fingers.

After, I rose and drew the bow in one fluid motion. My bow arm is held outwards toward the target, and my elbow is rotated so that the inner elbow is perpendicular to the ground. In this form, I stood erect, forming a 'T'. I then use lower muscles to pull the arrow to the anchor point.

Then, suddenly, my arrow is swooshed and was released as I relaxed my fingers of my drawing. _8 points, that's good… I guess. I'm not perfect!_

"Impressive. Better than most people I've seen." I grinned from ear to ear, until… "... But not the best I've seen." Frown.

"Look, this here is called 'Bow Sight'."

"I know… I'm just not sure how to use it." I stated nervously as I played with my hair.

"Then I'll teach you." I gave Pit an 'If-Impa-Couldn't-Do-It-What-Makes-You-Think-You-Can' look. "Don't worry, it's easy when you get the hang of it." He stood up from his squatting position and lightly grabbed the bow. "It's just used to help you aim by guiding your eye and aligning it, and pointing it at stuff."

"You make it sound easy." I retorted.

"Probably because I'm AWESOME." Pit proudly said as he held his head up high. "Here, put the arrow on the arrow rest and I'll guide you from there."

I followed his directions, and then he held his arms over mine, guiding me for what is needed. "Really, it is easy." He moved my index finger and placed it above the arrow and positioned my other two fingers below. "If you place your fingers here, it'll be easier to aim with sight."

I rose and drew the bow in one fluid motion once again, and I got extremely better results.

_Bulls eye__! :D_

"See? Easy. Keep practicing that, and you might even beat me." I laughed, no matter how hard I tried, I knew I couldn't beat Pit when it came to Archery. I might beat Marth though.

* * *

"That had to be a hoax!" I heard Marth yell over and over again. I actually love archery now…

You got three arrows for every round, there being five rounds. Making the most points you can get was 150. Sadly, I had gotten fourth - a certain toadstool princess screamed out my name, distracting me. I was only able to get 100 points and the third place person getting 105.

Pit and Link were stuck at a draw, of course, at a perfect score of 150 points. The tie break was extremely amusing. Everyone was to be distracting, and they turned the wind machines on high, going 20 mph. After an hour or so, people had gotten bored, so they left it at a tie.

Marth on the other hand, things didn't go so well for him. He achieved 11th place, which is in fact second-to-last, with only 10 points. The only reason he didn't get last was because someone had fainted and dropped out.

Marth yelled a string of curses as he stomped his feet like a little child. "Marth! Everyone is staring!" I said angrily as I pinched his arm.

"Good! They will know that that entire competition was a hoax!" Peach then grabbed Marth by the ear and dragged him far away, with the rest of us in tow.

"God, you're such a baby Marth."

"No I'm—" Marth, having a stroke of ADD, stopped in his tracks and pointed at a creepy house that had suddenly caught his attention, "A fun house! Come on guys, let's go!"

"How about no?" Peach asked, obviously terrified. I protested with Peach as I crossed my arms across my body. After five minutes of arguing, Ike dragged Peach into the line while Link, Marth, and Pit hauled me as well. Soon, we reached the front of the line.

"Okay, is anyone else feeling creeped out?" I asked, while Peach violently nodded her head. Suddenly, the front door opened, and the man pushed us in.

"Holy shit!" Peach yelled bloody murder as I tried to make out the situation. We were pushed into a dimmed room full of mirrors.

I grabbed onto the nearest person's arm, who happened to be Marth, and whispered, "Please don't leave me." He rubbed my hand and smirked. _Damn Prince._

"Ah!" Six blood curling screams filled the room, but four came to a deliberate stop.

"Marth? Where did everybody go?!"

"I do not know." He slowly answered.

We cheated through the mirrors, as I made a small light from the fire of my index finger. The thing I didn't expect was air jets shooting up from the floor, which I then jumped up, having Marth carry me bridal style down odd ramps and stairs. There were sections of floor that tipped from side to side or moved forward and back, that activated by our weight. Some of the stairs moved up and down, tipped from side to side, or slid side-to-side alternating directions between steps. Thankfully, we got through there rather quickly.

The next room was filled with only a large spinning disk. I jumped on quickly with Marth in tow, and ended up being thrown off by centrifugal force. We were, luckily, rushed through the doorway, but our positions weren't so great.

I had plummeted to the floor on my back, with Marth on top of me. _Extremely awkward. _Huh awkward, that seems to be a common feeling for tonight.

"Marth, you can get off me now." I stated as he looked rather sheepish.

"Of course." He rubbed the back of his head as he slowly rose to his feet.

We than ran to the next hallway which was a horizontal revolving cylinder or "barrel", and I was thinking of ways to walk through without falling down. And facing another awkward situation…

"Let's just run through really fast?" After the successful attempt, we ran to the other end of this never ending hallway, I began to see a bright light.

"Marth, look!" I yelled as I tugged on his shirt. "The light! I see a light! " I prepared to sprint to the light, but he held me back.

"Wait. Let's go together. What if there's actually a trap door in this hallway?" I looked at him and his concern, "Don't worry princess, I'll protect you."

"Easier said than done." I said as I rolled my eyes.

We slowly strolled through the hallway and reached the end, which was something I absolutely dreaded. There was a swirly slide, much taller and steeper than one would find on a playground. I would guess it was about two stories high.

"Marth?" I tugged on his arm, "I really don't want to go down thi- " He grabbed my arm as I was distracted and soon we were both falling down the slide together.

* * *

"Marth you fucker I will kill you!" I yelled at first until it had gotten so steep, that we were basically free-falling straight down.

"Oomph." I squealed as we landed in a ball pit.

"Get orf me." I heard Marth mumble under me.

"Sorry, big-baby prince—"

"Where the hell have you two been?!" Peach yelled with the other missing smash fighters behind her.

"Where the hell have you four been!?"

"Pfft. Trap doors opened under us, and we landed here." Pit coolly said.

"What did you guys do?" Peach asked, raising her eyebrow questioningly with a smirk.

We both muttered a 'nothing' or 'never mind' in return.

* * *

As we exited the Fun House, "Hey look!" It was Link's turn to yell, "A fencing tournament!"

We all stopped in our tracks and turned to where Link was pointing, all of us were fairly good at fencing, even Peach! So this was definitely a must-go-to thing, unlike that creepy Fun House.

"LET'S GO THEN!" Ike yelled rather uncharacteristically eager. We all entered this tournament, and I could tell this would be fun.

"When is it going to start?" Peach yelled impatiently.

"I am not sure. What time is it?"

Peach gave me a 'How-The-Hell-Would-I-Know?' look. "You have a watch, Pit!"

"It's just for show. I have to always accessorize and look fabulous." Pit replied back without concern." I looked at him oddly, and then ran over to Marth.

"Hey Marth?"

"I WASN'T STEALING YOUR COOKIES."

"Anyway... What time is it?"

He looked into his cape, holding many secrets and maybe even people. "10:45."

"This is going to take forever!" Pit screamed.

Thankfully, the announcer came up to the platform and announced the battles. It turned out that none of us were going to verse each other, but instead random people who don't matter.

* * *

Finally, all the other people had been wiped out. It was time for the last few rounds. Of course, it consisted of only, us smash fighters. Since we are in fact the most experienced.

Ike vs. Pit

Peach vs. Marth

Zelda vs. Link

"Bring it on my Love," Link declared, "Just because you're my princess, don't think I'll go easy on you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." We went into our positions.

We readied our stances and pulled up our masks. The announcer then yelled "Allez!"

Link charged forward, and I happened to parry and combine it with a riposte. He then continued to charge forward, while I deflected all of his incoming attacks. And soon, somehow, I was hanging on the ledge and almost ready to fall.

"Take my hand." _**DISBELIEF. **_

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"I don't under—"

"Do you trust me?" I reached out for his hand, and grabbed on. He pulled me up, back onto the stage.

Once I was back up, I slide underneath his leg and he fell to the floor. "All is fair in Love and War."

"THE WINNER IS: Zelda!"

As we went down from the stage, "You cheating bitch." Link whispered as he playfully punched my arm.

"I love you too Link." I stated sarcastically.

"I feel so wanted." He retorted as he rolled his eyes. "That's alright, I will always forgive you, my love." He received another, (x3?) playful slap. "Ah, I feel so hurt." He replied.

After taking a cursory glance at what everyone was doing, Link stated, "Everyone else is still fighting, want to watch the fireworks?" I nodded my head and took his arm.

"Up there." Link pointed up at a tree and pushed me up toward the branch.

I sat against the tree and moved closer to Link. He wrapped his arm around my waist. "It's so pretty up here."

"I know, right?" He replied back, but he was looking towards me and not the fireworks. I placed my head on his shoulder, and we remained silent as the fireworks twinkled in the sky.

A pretty magenta cherry blossom popped in the sky, along with thousands of fairy-like fireworks flying by in the sky. It was a truly amazing sight. I snuggled even closer to Link, and he in turn comfortably rubbed my leg. He looked towards me and we held eye contact. However, our serene scene was interrupted by a loud **DING**_._

"Oh shi—"

"Shit guys! That's the midnight chime, we have to make it back to the Smash Mansion!" I heard Pit yell, not caring about his non-cool composure. Link and I leaped down and ran in the direction of the Smash Mansion with the others.

"Awh shit." Peach repeated over and over again as we ran as fast as we could.

Finally, the walls of the mansion were within reach, but what was in store for us spelled out a single sentence: We are EXTREMELY screwed.

"What the hell were you guys doing out?" Master Hand was floating there with a smirk on his.. face?

"Tampons! We had to buy tampons." With that we were let free.

* * *

Review, yes please? ;D


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